Go Forward

Today's sermon at church was something I really needed at this time in my life.  A lot of heartbreaks, hurt, pain, unforgiveness, and shame has been harboring in my heart and in my mind for a very long time.  "Go Forward" was the title for the sermon and it will become my life's theme for 2016. 

Scriptures used in the sermon included the following:

Exodus 14:11-15
11 "And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?
12 Is not this word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.
13 And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.
14 The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
15 And the LORD said unto Moses Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:"

Proverbs 118:1-17
1 O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: because his mercy endureth for ever.
2 Let Israel now say, that his mercy endureth for ever
3 Let the house of Aaron now say, that his mercy endureth for ever.
4 Let them now that fear the LORD say, that his mercy endureth for ever.
5 I called upon the LORD in distress: the LORD answered me, and set me in a large place.
6 The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?
7 The LORD taketh my part with them that help me: therefore shall I see my desire upon them that hate me.
8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.
9 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes.
10 All nations compassed me about: but in the name of the LORD will I destroy them.
11 They compassed me about; yea, they compassed me about: but in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.
12 They compassed me about like bees; they are quenched as the fire of thorns: for in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.
13 Thou hast thrust sore at me that I might fall but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and song, and is become my salvation.
15 The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.
16 The right hand of the LORD is exalted: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.
17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Acts 2:38
Then Peter said unto them, Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Egypt represents our past, our mistakes, our shame, our hurts, our unforgiveness, and pain.  God wants us to move forward in our lives; receive forgiveness (for others and ourselves), move on from our past and get past the pain caused by our shame and mistakes or by others.  By moving forward, and leaving the past in the past, we can finally receive the healing that we need in our lives and when healing has been received; God can do great things in us and through us.   The Red Sea represents our journey in life, going through the changes and once we hit dry land, the Red Sea closes behind us, Egypt remains on the other side - our past stays in the past.  

Pastor also shared that when we hurt, when we are in pain, we respond differently to people often times we hurt others when we hurt.  Looking back, I hurt people while I was hurting and I am ashamed because I could have responded better.  My actions and how I responded to others has really brought me to a place where I am at my knees with God.  I cannot go any further without God in my life, in my family's life. 

I am ready to give forgiveness, I am ready to heal from my past hurts, I am ready to heal from my pain. I am ready to move on from my shame, I am ready to move on from my mistakes (and I know the enemy will do whatever it takes to try to keep my mistakes in my present using people around me or circumstances in my life - but I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me Phil 4:13). I have to trust God and allow him to work this healing into my life so I can have the peace I am looking for while developing a more deeper relationship with God.  I cannot go back to the way I was before, it was a lonely life.... 

Be blessed

Don't Let Anyone Tell You How to Live

A vlog on my thoughts and perspective while walking with God.  Things will happen on God's time, not ours! (So sorry for the lack of closed captioning)

https://youtu.be/Vpk44cea3Dk

Be blessed

Where Does Your Faith Lies?

I decided to make a vlog that was solely for the purpose of a reminder of what I am going through, what I am thinking, and how I view things in life.  So these videos (part 1 and part 2) serves as my first personal vlog.  (currently working on subtitles)

Where Does Your Faith Lies? Part 1
https://youtu.be/t1BeiBRtHKQ

Where Does Your Faith Lies? Part 2
https://youtu.be/eUvHPPihC68

Scriptures used in the Vlog:
Hebrews 11:6 - "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

Matthew 21:22 - "And all things whatsoever y shall ask in prayer believing, ye shall receive."

Mark 11:22-23 - "And Jesus answering saith unto them. Have faith in God for verily I say unto you. That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt it in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith."

Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

1 Corinthians 2:5 - "That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God."

Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Be Blessed

Mending Your Net

 Well, I went to church this morning and I have found that I liked this church.  The church was very similar to the one in Atlanta; open and inviting to anyone who wants to come.  The pastor spoke about mending your net.  A fisher man has to mend his net; fix it and clean it, so he can continue to fish with it.  If a net isn't mended, fish won't go to it or goes thru the holes in the net.  It was a nice metaphor to life's situations.  We need to make sure we take care of our marriage, children, jobs before we can worry about other people or other things.  Our lives will draw those who need a touch from God to us and it will be done on God's time.  

I loved the fact that I was able to hear this message being preached because it was a reminder that I needed to focus on myself and my family to maintain a life here on earth and allow God to work on me spiritually so I can be up to doing what is in His will and touch those around me that needs Him.  I am not talking about being a specific religion or living a specific life; I am talking about living a life of unconditional love and being able to serve others with love while taking care of ourselves emotionally/physically/mentally. 

I do believe that when one chooses to live a certain life following a certain religion, it is their life's journey to go on to truly learn about themselves spiritually.  However I do not believe that it is right that when one chooses to live their lives for God, they live it In a way where they are critical of others and passes judgement on others around them and claim to live their lives as God sees it.  I pray that I never get to be that way, I pray that if I choose to live a life with a specific religion that I will live this life in unconditional love for others and have a desire to serve others with love.  I don't believe that we can change another person's lives for the better with words, we can change their lives for the better through our actions.   

I will take this time in my life as a healing period; so many broken pieces of my soul and heart is lying around and I am ready to be put back together and live the life as a better person with a desire to change the world, one step at a time.  My net needs mending and I'll shall take the time to mend it so I can do what I was put on Earth to do.

Be Blessed

Faith

"'Ask yourself today, "What am I doing with my faith?" Are you putting your faith in yourself, or in others, or in your circumstances? That's not living in grace, that's just living by your own strength and works. And it won't get the job done!  But when you release your faith and trust God to do what you can't do, you're putting your faith in Him. The grace, God's power, will come through the channel of faith and will enable you to do things that will amaze you and others."" -- YouVersion Joyce Meyers Daily Devotion.

It's funny that this devotional came along in my path this morning because I have been questioning whether I had faith and reading this quote from Joyce Meyer has really shown me that I have had no faith at all, I was putting my faith in people and in circumstances and the result is, they all come crashing down.  I am ashamed to see that I haven't had faith in a long time; it is something that I failed to do because I always want to try to have control of everything that goes on in my life.  I pray for strength to let go of the desire to have control and allow God to truly have control over my life. 

I am excited about going to church tomorrow; a new place with new faces, maybe I can finally accept the idea that I cannot depend on people but on myself and rely on my faith in God to survive life everyday.  I just hope that I will like this church tomorrow and will continue to make efforts to go with the kids as well as time goes on.  I hope money will not be an issue to where I cannot go to church as often as I'd like.  I just hope that things will fall into place to where I can finally call a church a home here. 

Be Blessed

Leave Me Astounded

I've been obsessing all day listening to Indiana Bible Choir's song, Leave Me Astounded.
Verse 1

All my hands have made I'm laying down
All that I hold dear, my many crowns
I've tasted and seen of Your great love
You satisfy me
You satisfy me

Chorus

Spirit fall, open up heaven's door
We're waiting with worship for more
You're the only one that satisfies me

Verse 2

My constant request above all things
Every hour I wake, be near me, oh God
Though I've tasted and seen of Your great love
Show me Your glory
Show me Your glory

Chorus

Spirit fall, open up heaven's door
We're waiting with worship for more
You're the only one that satisfies me
Lord we run into Your loving arms
We're safe and secure in Your love
You're the only one that satisfies me

Bridge

Leave me astounded, leave me amazed
Show off Your glory, let heaven invade
We're waiting with worship, we're waiting with praise
For the almighty presence of God to invade

Chorus

Spirit fall, open up heaven's door
We're waiting with worship for more
You're the only one that satisfies me
Lord we run into Your loving arms
We're safe and secure in Your love
You're the only one that satisfies me

Bridge

Leave me astounded, leave me amazed
Show off Your glory, let heaven invade
We're waiting with worship, we're waiting with praise
For the almighty presence of God to invade
[X2]

I remember how I used to feel that way, how blessed I was to be in His presence and how whole I felt.  I am so angry inside that I cannot feel free to be who I am, how I long to have the sense of family, a connection spiritually.  It is like God is tearing me down piece by piece until I am a complete nothing.  He is removing and repairing the broken pieces of my soul and my heart so He can rebuild me back up into someone that is truly created in His Image but with glued together cracks that represents my past, showing me how far I have come in life to be where I am today. 

Religion is just that a Religion; it doesn't define who you are as a person.  Our beliefs define us as a person and some beliefs are so much stronger to one than to another person but we should never allow anyone else to tell us how we should believe whether it is about a religion or anything about ourselves. 

After I experienced God's unconditional love on several occasions in church, I am blown away at how much God Loves us regardless of how much flaws we have and how much mistakes we've made. His love is so pure and so open that I just melt spiritually.  I have been missing that feeling lately.  I feel like love is conditional with human beings, things has to be done a certain way for one to say that they love the other person.  It's quite sad because I crave for that unconditional love and yet I continue to leave God's presence time after time knowing that He is the only place where I can truly get unconditional love from. 

I just feel really alone lately but I know I am not.. my human flesh has really felt alone and left to my thoughts running a mile per second.  I can only do this one day at a time... I just hope that I can find a church to go to and to really reconnect spiritually but without changing myself so quickly and allow myself to heal truly from inside out.

Be Blessed

Never Alone

This marks the first post in my Simply Me and My Thoughts in Christ blog.

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he [it is] that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

1 Peter 5:7 - Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Matthew 28:20 - Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, [even] unto the end of the world. Amen.

Joshua 1:5 - There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, [so] I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

1 Chronicles 28:20 - And David said to Solomon his son, Be strong and of good courage, and do [it]: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, [even] my God, [will be] with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD.

I am in a very dark time in my life - I am surrounded by my husband and children but I feel so alone in my journey in life.  Family means everything to me and to see my family slowly dissolve to nothing except with what I have next to me is mind-boggling.  I have always believed that family is everything and family SHOULD be around family no matter what one does.  However, I am being shown very clearly that family will turn their backs on you if you don't do what they expect you to do even though it has nothing to do with them.

I am constantly reminded during this time that even though I feel so alone, God is with me always.  He'll never leave me or forsake me; He is the only constant thing in my life. 

I need to take this time to really dig deep inside myself and find my Faith once again, to give my life back to God completely and wholly.   Looking back at my time being an Apostolic, I don't really ever recall feeling so lonely in my life spiritually because I had my Faith to rely on but I do recall being lonely somewhat in the Flesh but I was able to carry out my life knowing I had the Faith.  Since leaving the church, where did my Faith go? Where did my true spirituality go?

This dark phase in my life is really pushing me to really look at what I am doing and to observe whether my "spirituality" is helping me and I am seeing that it is not at all, I have nothing to turn to, I have no faith, and it is like God is lifting my chin up and saying "Look at me, Child; I am here, I am real, Trust ME, have Faith in ME and Let go of all that You've held on to for all these years and allow me to Heal you spiritually". 

I am never Alone, I give God the glory and Praise for this.  I pray for strength thru this difficult time and I pray for clarity.

Be Blessed.