Leave Me Astounded

I've been obsessing all day listening to Indiana Bible Choir's song, Leave Me Astounded.
Verse 1

All my hands have made I'm laying down
All that I hold dear, my many crowns
I've tasted and seen of Your great love
You satisfy me
You satisfy me

Chorus

Spirit fall, open up heaven's door
We're waiting with worship for more
You're the only one that satisfies me

Verse 2

My constant request above all things
Every hour I wake, be near me, oh God
Though I've tasted and seen of Your great love
Show me Your glory
Show me Your glory

Chorus

Spirit fall, open up heaven's door
We're waiting with worship for more
You're the only one that satisfies me
Lord we run into Your loving arms
We're safe and secure in Your love
You're the only one that satisfies me

Bridge

Leave me astounded, leave me amazed
Show off Your glory, let heaven invade
We're waiting with worship, we're waiting with praise
For the almighty presence of God to invade

Chorus

Spirit fall, open up heaven's door
We're waiting with worship for more
You're the only one that satisfies me
Lord we run into Your loving arms
We're safe and secure in Your love
You're the only one that satisfies me

Bridge

Leave me astounded, leave me amazed
Show off Your glory, let heaven invade
We're waiting with worship, we're waiting with praise
For the almighty presence of God to invade
[X2]

I remember how I used to feel that way, how blessed I was to be in His presence and how whole I felt.  I am so angry inside that I cannot feel free to be who I am, how I long to have the sense of family, a connection spiritually.  It is like God is tearing me down piece by piece until I am a complete nothing.  He is removing and repairing the broken pieces of my soul and my heart so He can rebuild me back up into someone that is truly created in His Image but with glued together cracks that represents my past, showing me how far I have come in life to be where I am today. 

Religion is just that a Religion; it doesn't define who you are as a person.  Our beliefs define us as a person and some beliefs are so much stronger to one than to another person but we should never allow anyone else to tell us how we should believe whether it is about a religion or anything about ourselves. 

After I experienced God's unconditional love on several occasions in church, I am blown away at how much God Loves us regardless of how much flaws we have and how much mistakes we've made. His love is so pure and so open that I just melt spiritually.  I have been missing that feeling lately.  I feel like love is conditional with human beings, things has to be done a certain way for one to say that they love the other person.  It's quite sad because I crave for that unconditional love and yet I continue to leave God's presence time after time knowing that He is the only place where I can truly get unconditional love from. 

I just feel really alone lately but I know I am not.. my human flesh has really felt alone and left to my thoughts running a mile per second.  I can only do this one day at a time... I just hope that I can find a church to go to and to really reconnect spiritually but without changing myself so quickly and allow myself to heal truly from inside out.

Be Blessed